Name: Maura Wallcrisp (Welfare Woman)
Occupation: Superhero Community Welfare Officer.
My ticket says that i’m next in the queue. The waiting area is empty, save for one other, who’s being a bit of a show off by levitating when there’s no shortage of seats. The clock flashes my ticket number and the floating man fixes me filthies. “Build a bridge and get over it” I thought, which he could probably do quite easily, being able to overcome gravity with such ease.
Maura (not her real name) offers me a hand, out through a slot in the glass screen which divides us. “The screen must make the whole thing impersonal”, i tell her. “Well, it’s an important part of the process, replies Maura, her pale eyes peering at me from behind a facemask . “Most of the folks i see here are decent enough, but you get the odd irate intergalactic defender with laser vision and believe me, that’s when you’re glad that this screen is impervious to everything but shards of Trastusian rock from the Basken Nebula.”
Maire tells me the ins and outs of her job, assessing claims from local area superheroes and villians applying for benefits. “I suppose the biggest query i have here is for medical benefit, which is rerely granted to be honest.” “Why’s that?” i ask her. “75 percent of the applicants are either immortal or impervious to weapons and disease. And why would you waste time at a doctors when you have no pulse?” Good point there.
“We also process claims for rent allowance. I’m sad to say, but you get some awful sob stories in here. Captain Spectrum was in here the other week, the poor guy can save Europe from an alien invasion, but can’t keep the landlord off his back.” Remembering a recent TV3 documentary about dole fraud, i asked Maura if this was a common occurance among the superpowered.
“Oh absolutely Finn. General Fear was in to me looking for rent allowance on his three bed semi in Terenure, forgetting to mention that he owns a seven mile wide sky fortress hovering over Washington DC.”
And with that, my ten minutes are up. I thank Maura for her time, then make for the exit, an ultraspeed escape pod and underground tunnel. I’d have been happy to take the stairs.
